


Nightmare- Nessian

by dg4212664



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 05:50:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13475010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dg4212664/pseuds/dg4212664
Summary: When Cassian finds Nesta crying alone in her bedroom, he comes to help her, but she pushes him away.





	Nightmare- Nessian

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments

It has been one year. One year since Thomas attempted to rape me, in the corner of a dark street. Since my heart was torn out of my chest and shattered right in front of my eyes. No one. Not a single soul, knew about my past. They don't know or understand why I have these walls, my armor. They don't know who I was before I became the icy queen I now am. And I never cared about what others thought about me. Not even my own sisters. Well, at least until Cassian. 

                                                                                 ***

I walked into her room, without knocking, for some apparent reason that regarded her future emissary businesses, however all was forgotten when he walked through the threshold of the door. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it was not this, not Nesta crying. She was sobbing, curled up into a small ball, almost as if she was trying to disappear from this world, on her bed. She didn't notice me coming in,and before I and she knew it I was standing right behind her. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to confront her? Embrace her? Talk to her?  Before I could make up my mind, my mouth spoke for me. "Sweetheart, what's wrong...? Her head snapped towards me, in shock, realizing I had been standing there the whole time. She quickly wiped her away her tears, while blushing furiously, as if she were embarrassed to be seen in such a vulnerable state. She cleared her throat, "Nothing, Cassian, I'm fine." Though the tone in her voice said otherwise, I wouldn't. No I couldn't just leave her here alone. "Don't shut me out, Nesta, you know you can tell me anything. You can tell any of us anything."I responded with much more certainty that the first time. "Cassian, I told you, I'm fine, just leave me alone" She said with a lace of fear and anger in her voice. "No Nesta, I won't leave you alone, you have locked yourself in the same room for the past 3 weeks. You have barely eaten anything, and you haven't said a word to any of us!" I said, my voice also gradually getting louder. "No, _**Cassian**_ , that is none of your business, and the same applies to this. What about you? You are afraid to fly, because of your stupid wings. You haven't faced any of your fears yet, so why should I? You're as much of a bastard as I am!" I swallowed, and I tried to hide the expression of shock and hurt from my face, but I doubt that was possible. I said with a serious yet quiet voice, " One day, Nesta, you will push everyone away, and before you realize it, you will be alone... and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. He turned around, and walked out of the room, leaving Nesta alone. Again. But who cares? Its obvious she has no feelings about us, so why should we care for her? 

                                                                                  ***

He left me. He left me.  _He left me._ I'm alone. I though he didn't matter to me, but he did. he does. I grabbed for my book and tried to read, and focus on something other than Cassian, but I couldn't. All I could think about was how he left. How I pushed the one person on this world that cared for me. So then , I got under the covers of my bed and I wept. It could have been for hours or days. But the tears never stopped coming. This is all my life consisted of these days. They kept pouring on my face, and I then I couldn't breathe properly. I was wheezing because my crying never seized. Before I knew it, I was asleep. And when I was asleep, that only led to the nightmares. The next day, Cassian wasn't here. He didn't meet me at our usual time for training and practice. He didn't attend any of the meals I thought he would. And when I asked Mor, where he was, the only response I got was "He had commander duties to take care of." It was obvious by the disdain and disgust in her voice that she knew what had happened, and that I was the reason Cassian has disappeared. 

 

On the fourth day he was gone, I went to sleep early, tired of waiting. tired of living. 

                                                                                  ***

 

_I was suddenly pushed against the wall. Thomas grabbed both of my wrists with one of his hands and pinned them above my head. I thrashed, I shouted, but it seemed nothing would come to my rescue. I lifted my right knee, the first and only self defense I know of. He easily blocked it with his free hand and pushed it down harshly back to it's resting position. He shoves his tongue into my mouth and easily won the battle for dominance. By then, tears were rolling freely down my face. "Nesta..." He moaned. His breath reeked of alcohol, and I gagged every single time his lips touched my body. I told myself, it will all be over soon, just close your eyes, and breathe. His hands started scouring my body, touching and rubbing against everything his hands came into contact with. Soon enough, he had ripped my shirt, pants, and my undergarments off, like the vicious beast he is. "Please, Thomas, please, stop, don't do this. I know this isn't you, you are just drunk, please." I begged desperately, trying to escape his harsh hold on my shoulder. But then I felt something else on my shoulders, someone was shaking them. And when Thomas opened his mouth to respond, he had a different voice and all he said was, "wake up, sweetheart, wake up..."_

_***_

"Sweetheart, wake up, you are just having a nightmare, wake up." He was half sitting, half standing on top of me, and I could see the uneasiness in his eyes. I turned around and started to sob, again. But this time, I was ashamed for him to see me. Only if he were to know what I was crying of, then he would see how weak I am. How utterly frightened. "Nesta." This was not a silent cry, this was a loud, mourning cry. One that broke the dead silence between us. " _Nesta,_ look at me." I couldn't. I wouldn't. So he took my chin between his thumb and fore finger, and slowly turned my face to look towards him. I opened my mouth to say something, but I closed, because for once, I was lost of words, I didn't know what to say. So, I whispered, "Please don't leave me, again." His gaze softened, and that was all it took for him to gather me in his arms. I didn't fight it. I let myself use his warmth, and I let him embrace me, and tell me I was gonna be okay. Because I knew from that moment on, I was going to be okay. Suddenly, a voice interrupted my thoughts. "Do you want to talk about it?" I took a deep breath, and I decided it was about time to share this burden with someone. For someone to help me relieve the tension off my shoulders. So I started from the beginning, my childhood, how I had always admired Thomas, and how I had the biggest crush on him. Then I told him about how he finally asked me out, at 17, and how I hadn't stopped to think about saying yes, how I had no hesitations. I got to the part where he proposed to me, and how I thought we were in love. I explained that I hadn't wanted to have sex until we were officially married, and how at first Thomas respected and agreed with my decision. And then , I told him how he broke off our agreement, and started touching me, without my permission. How he got off and found pleasure by seeing my pain. 

                                                                                    ***

I listened to her, and gave her my undivided attention, completely in shock that this was actually happening. I listened, and made no funny comments or made not cocky facial expression, I just listened. She told me of this boy she was extremely smitten with, and I thought that her story would end in a mere heartbreak, but that had not been the case at all. When she told me that she was hurt, touched, in such vile manners, my blood boiled. My arms immediately tightened around her, as if I wished I could have protected her in those terrible times. I growled at the thought of Nesta in danger. I wanted to kill, Thomas, not in the sense of making it quick and merciless. I wanted to take my time, making sure he learned what exactly his mistakes were. But instead, I chose taking my revenge some other time. For now, I would make sure Nesta was okay, and that she would no longer suffer through pain and misery. So I held her in my arms, until she fell asleep. I felt her breath on my neck even out, and so I lowered my head onto a pillow, and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. I cradled her to my body, and I made a silent vow to always protect her. My Nesta.       _My mate._


End file.
